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Podcast Espisode 3: Patterns – Part 1
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https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/wel-partners-on-predatory-marriages/id1839333173
Red Flags of Elder Abuse and Romance Scams
Predatory marriages are a form of elder abuse (though of course, younger persons with diminished capacity can also be victimised by predatory marriages). As such, it makes sense for this blog series to take a moment to recognise red flags of elder abuse more broadly, including red flags of predatory marriages.
According to the Canadian Department of Justice, financial abuse is the most commonly reported type of abuse against older adults.[1] However, the Department of Justice also commented on the difficulty in estimating the accurate prevalence and incidence of elder abuse in Canada due to obvious factors associated with under-reporting.[2] Financial abuse can look like anything including: improper use of bank accounts and/or joint bank accounts; forgery or abuse involving a power of attorney document; sharing an older adult’s home without payment of, or sharing in, expenses; misuse, appropriation, or theft of an older adult’s assets; transfer of real property; ATM fraud and other.[3] Often financial abuse is conducted by a family member upon whom the older adult is dependent and who is potentially influenced by or controlled and victimized.[4] Financial abuse can also be inflicted by a caregiver, service provider, or other person in a position of power or trust (where there is a power imbalance).[5] Financial abuse often occurs in connection with other types of abuse. For example, an attorney under the power of attorney document may refuse to provide an older adult with funds to pay for groceries or to provide an older adult with other necessaries of life.
Forms of Elder Abuse
Although a predatory marriage is itself a form of financial abuse, it could be accompanied by other forms of elder abuse. Elder abuse includes:
- Misuse of a Power of Attorney Document: A Power of Attorney for Property is a legal document where a person (the “grantor”) gives another (the “attorney”) the legal authority to make financial decisions on the grantor’s behalf. It is abusive for an attorney to misuse an older person’s assets, property, or money.[6]
- Theft and Fraud: Stealing an older adult’s money, pension cheques, or possessions, and/or committing fraud, forgery or extortion.
- Shared Residence: Sharing an older adult’s home without paying rent, or a fair share of the expenses, when requested.
- Undue Influence: Unduly exerting pressure on an older adult to:
- sell personal property;
- invest or take out money;
- buy alcohol or drugs;
- make or change a testamentary document;
- make, change, or sign legal documents that they do not understand;
- gift money to relatives, caregivers or friends; and/or
- engage in paid work to bring in extra money.
- Psychological Abuse: Psychological abuse decreases older persons’ self-worth and dignity and may include insults, threats, harassment, or isolation. Isolating older persons from friends, family, or regular activities is abuse when done in order to gain control or leverage a benefit (i.e., an adult child who threatens their older adult parent that he or she cannot see their grandchildren unless they guarantee a loan or give the adult child money).
- Failure to Provide the Necessaries of Life: An attorney under a power of attorney document is obligated to provide the grantor with the necessaries of life, including shelter, food, medication, clothing, and assistive devices.
- Violence: Physical abuse can include any action that causes an older person pain, injures or a risk of injuries. This includes domestic violence and physical or sexual abuse. Examples include hitting, pushing, shaking, under or over medicating, and inappropriate physical or chemical restraints.[7]
SOME INDICATORS OF ABUSE ON AN OLDER ADULT INCLUDE…
- Unusual/unexplained accidents or injuries
- Dehydration, poor nutrition, or poor hygiene (e.g., bed sores, untrimmed nails, odour from lack of showers or unchanged incontinence products, wearing the same clothes multiple days in a row)
- Signs of being restrained (e.g., their mattress is on the floor so they cannot get up, their walker/cane is kept out of reach, a caregiver mentions using sedatives/painkillers to ‘calm’ them)
- Torn or bloody undergarments, unexplained sexually transmitted diseases
- Fear, anxiety, depression, or passiveness concerning a friend, family member, or care provider
- Changes in appearance (e.g., not wearing their regular jewellery, wearing clothes unfit for the weather, appearing dishevelled)
- Changes in social behaviours (e.g., stop returning phone calls, not having lunch with friends as often)
- Changes in personality (e.g., less assertive, lowered self esteem, new reluctance to talk or make eye contact)
- Allegations of abuse, by name or by describing something that constitutes abuse, from the older person
- A caregiver, family member, friend, or community worker voicing concerns about an older person’s wellbeing
- A perpetrator admitting to elder abuse or something indicative of elder abuse (e.g., misusing an older person’s assets, using restraints, making threats)
SOME INDICATORS SPECIFIC TO FINANCIAL ABUSE ON AN OLDER ADULT INCLUDE…
- Non-sequential cheque numbers, suspicious signatures, and other indicators of fraud
- Unexpectedly large payments for services or products (e.g., a $500 phone bill payment)
- Unexplained disappearance of possessions (e.g., lost jewelry or silverware, valuables removed from safe deposit boxes)
- Changes in Power of Attorney documents
- Previously uninvolved relatives or new friends moving in or claiming property, with or without the older person’s permission or consent
- Unexplained or sudden inability to pay bills
- ATM withdrawals at irregular hours, at an irregular location or shortly after someone is granted joint ownership or a Power of Attorney
- Poor living conditions in comparison to the value of their assets
- Changes in banking patterns (e.g., sudden large withdrawals, unusual purchases, new credit card debt)
- Someone else keeps their bank cards or identity documents
- Bank statements or other financial documents are being mailed to someone else’s home
- Confusion or lack of knowledge about a financial situation or a new legal document
- Seeking someone’s permission before making a purchase or financial decision
- Being forced to sign multiple documents at once, or successively
- Re-joining the workforce for a physically-demanding and/or underpaying position (e.g., cashier, store greeter, janitor)[8]
Understand why Loved Ones may not Report Elder Abuse
As mentioned, elder abuse is under-reported. This is often because the older adult:
- feels guilt, blameworthiness, shame, or embarrassment for having been victimized;
- is fearful of the perpetrator, or is fearful of the police or other authorities;
- is dependent upon the perpetrator for physical well-being;
- wants to protect the abuser;
- feels that an unhealthy relationship with the abuser is better than no relationship at all;
- minimizes, rationalizes or denies the abuse altogether;
- does not recognize the abuse;
- is unable to report the abuse, physically or otherwise (e.g., the victim may have dementia and lack the requisite mental capacity to report the abuse);
- is worried about stigma on the family; and/or
- is resistant to having strangers in their home to provide services that are otherwise provided for by the abuser.
Romance Scams
A topic that is separate from but related to predatory marriages, is romance scams. Romance scams, sometimes called “romance baiting” or “sweetheart scams,” [9] typically start on legitimate dating websites, where scammers send messages accompanied by attractive photos, posing as someone seeking a relationship. Once they gain the victim’s trust, they begin requesting money, often citing emergencies such as a sick family member or financial hardship.
Once money is sent, the scammer frequently disappears. In 2023, Canadians lost more than $21 million to romance scams in Ontario alone, while nationwide losses totaled $50 million in 2021, according to the Canadian Anti-Fraud Centre (CAFC). There is also growing concern about scammers combining romance scams with “pig butchering” investment scams
Below is a list of ‘red flags.’ Remember that a red flag is a reason to be wary. A relationship could have one or more of these red flags and not be a scam. A scam may also not have any of these red flags. However, if a relationship has one or more of these ‘red flags,’ please be wary and consider talking to someone you trust.
Be wary when an individual:
- professes their love to you when you haven’t met in person
- claims to live close to you but is working overseas, for example in the military or in gas or oil-related fields
- wants to quickly move to a private or different mode of communication (email, text, Whatsapp, Google Hangouts etc.)
- always has an excuse not to meet in person
- sends odd messages, such as messages that include information inconsistent with what they’ve previously told you or what is on any online profile, or messages that address you by the wrong name
- requests money for emergencies like medical bills or for plane fare and travel visas to plan a visit so the two of you can be together
- has an excuse for not having their own money accessible, like having their wallet stolen or getting locked out of their Canadian accounts while overseas
- discourages you from sharing your relationship with friends or family
- coaches you on how to invest in crypto currencies and/or “get rich quick” opportunities with “high and guaranteed returns”
- If you notice any of these red flags, be cautious and avoid sharing personal information or money. Always verify the identity of the person before taking any further steps.[10]
Recently in the Winter of 2024, an Ontario Resident of the Norfolk County, Simcoe was defrauded of $400,000 to a romance scam. The scammer who posed as the victim’s love interest met through Facebook, and their “relationship” spanned over a year and half, during which the fraudster asked the victim for money on several occasions through various methods of payments such as Apply pay, gift cards, etc. The scammer had been able to obtain funds from the victim by claiming “personal emergencies and business ventures.” [11]
If you suspect you or someone you know is involved in a romance scam, remember that scammers are professional criminals and good at manipulating emotions; do not be hard on yourself or the victim. Consider contacting the Seniors Safety Line at 1-866-299-1011, your local police station, or the Canadian Anti-Fraud Centre at 1-888-495-8501.
The materials of this blob post have been adapted in part from WEL Partner’s training materials for the Ontario Police College course: Investigations Involving Older Adults April 15, 2025.
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[1] Government of Canada, “Backgrounder Elder Abuse Legislation” (15 March 2012), online: <https://www.canada.ca/en/news/archive/2012/03/elder-abuse-legislation.html>.
[2] Ibid, Government of Canada, “Backgrounder Elder Abuse Legislation”.
[3] Public Health Agency of Canada, “Facts on Financial Abuse of Seniors” (2009); see also, Government of Canada, “Elder Abuse: It’s Time to Face the Reality” (July 26, 2012), online: < https://www.canada.ca/en/public-health/services/health-promotion/stop-family-violence/prevention-resource-centre/prevention-resources-older-adults/elder-abuses-time-face-reality.html>.
[4] Ontario Provincial Police, Tip Sheet on Abuse of Older Adults; see also, Elder Abuse Prevention Ontario, Reporting, online: <https://eapon.ca/reporting/>.
[5] Advocacy Centre for the Elderly, “Community Training Manual”, Third Ed., December 2002, online: < http://www.advocacycentreelderly.org/appimages/file/eamanualsec1(2).pdf >.
[6] Elder Abuse: It’s Time to Face the Reality – Canada.ca
[7] Elder Abuse: It’s Time to Face the Reality – Canada.ca; For more information on the particulars of Elder Abuse, see the resources available from the Advocacy Centre for the Elderly (“ACE”), online: <http://www.advocacycentreelderly.org/elder_abuse_-_introduction.php>.
[8] For more information on the indicators of elder abuse, see generally, Elder Abuse Prevention Ontario, “Learn the Facts”, online: < https://eapon.ca/learn-the-facts/>.
[9] Romance scams and how to avoid them – Elder Abuse Prevention Ontario; Sweetheart Scams: Beware the Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing – AgingCare.com
[10] Canadian Anti Fraud Centre, “Romance”, online: Canada <https://antifraudcentre-centreantifraude.ca/scams-fraudes/romance-rencontre-eng.htm>
[11] Ryan Rocca, Global News “Ontario resident loses more than $400K in romance scam”, online: Global News <Ontario resident loses more than $400K in romance scam | Globalnews.ca>
